Does Mr Meaty have much of a 2nd Chance?
If Mr Meaty pursues the girl in question and gets the 'just friends' response, but then continues to spend some time with her and keep the friendship going to an extent. At this point Mrs Meaty has basically already said NO to Mr Meaty. But what are the chances of Mrs Meaty changing her mind??
How do girls think about this? Once they've decided in their mind is that usually final or is there much room for change. If so what would Mr Meaty do to win her back?
Would Mr Meaty start pursing her again and just ask? or would he lay low and let Mrs Meaty realize her wasted opportunity.
How do girls think about this? Once they've decided in their mind is that usually final or is there much room for change. If so what would Mr Meaty do to win her back?
Would Mr Meaty start pursing her again and just ask? or would he lay low and let Mrs Meaty realize her wasted opportunity.
posted by JK at
7:02 PM
11 Comments:
I don't know if there is a set answer it really depends on the circumstances the girl and the boy.
I think that if the original asking was quite early on in the relationship when they barely knew each other but now the friendship has developed quiet strongly there is a good chance.
I don't think its a good idea for mr meaty to keep stringing along and hoping if there is no chance. It may be worth asking mrs meaty is there is ever any chance in the future.
small note. I don't like you declaring mrs meaty saying no to the relationship as a defn wasted opportunity - mr meaty may be a wonderful guy and mrs a wonderful caring girl but that doesn't mean they are right for each other and maybe mr meaty will meet a wonderful girl down the track that really suits him.
Dude. If Ms. Meaty has already put the kibbosh on the "dating" biz, Mr. Meaty needs to back the hell down. There is nothing weirder than a dude who has declared his more-than-friends feeling to a girl, been shot down, and keeps puppy-dogging after the girl. That is most definitely NOT meaty. If she later becomes interested in him, she has a phone, you know?
Mr. Meaty ought to say, "Hey, I appreciate your honesty, and I'm glad that we're still friends. I'm still interested in you. If things change over the next few months, will you let me know?"
I agree with Astrid that it's not a wasted opportunity. There are three couples at my church who are now married or engaged that the girl said no the first time around, and then called the guy back a few weeks later and said, "Wow, I TOTALLY changed my mind, let's get married." Or something like that... ;)
I'd agree with the 'back down' idea - but not in the sense of revoking all friendship/spending time with the girl.
To answer your questions (or try to), the chances of Mrs Meaty changing her mind are sometimes quite good - and sometimes quite bad. Of course it depends on the girl. But, looking at Laura's example, it definitely does happen! Once they've decided, is there room for change? Yes.. there's always a chance she will change her mind.
I don't think Mr Meaty should be trying to win her back, after she has turned him down, even if he suddenly has a realisation that girls are girls and do change their minds. This way not only is it kinder on the girl, but easier on the guy too. I think it's a matter of keeping the option open, i.e. staying friends with the girl. That's not puppy-dogging by any means. It's simply keeping a good friendship.
In doing this, on the one hand he isn't closing all doors. And on the other hand, he's saying to the girl "I value your friendship - I'm not just after you for a potential wife." It could be a bit of a slap in the face if the guy, upon getting turned down, ditches the friendship and moves onto the next girl of interest!! (I'm sure that doesn't happen a lot.)
"Where there is a will, there is a way. " Be meaty and be strategic:p
I had this happen... and it left me battered, broken and bruised... and dare I say, a wee bit bitter (but only cos it starts with "b").
I thought signs were good early, made a clean move, yet caught her off guard apparently, only to be eventually rejected, then months later she says "made a mistake... maybe I am interested". She maintained that line (especially the "maybe" bit) but never had time for me, and so, many months later, it was over without ever actually starting.
But yeah, moderately distant friendship was maintained between episodes. And now, it's just a case of getting on without any problems... friendly even... but we only cross paths rarely.
If a friendship ends after an initial rejection, how much of a friendship was it in the first place?
Renae, and anon, I'm with ya. There's a difference between backing down and cutting off the friendship. That would be a bit silly. But for the sake of a guy's mental state it'd be equally silly for him to spend AS MUCH time with her as he did when he was trying to win her affections.
And first anon, "strategic"? What do you mean by that? I get a little grouchy when guys get all covert-ops on the ladies. She is an adult (presumably... yikes!). You shouldn't be trying to manipulate her.
Surely the determination of the guy and his stick ability to liking the one girl should say something to her??
I know this exact thing happened to a relative of mine. The guy was so keen for her and dead set, he really showed her that he was committed, she wasn't so keen but eventually she changed her mind. Now they are married :]
Doesn't God work in mysterious ways!
Laura: Do you actually agree with Astrid's comment about Mrs Meaty saying NO? because she thought it wasn't reasonable. Mrs meaty may meat another guy sometime down the track and it could work out real swell. It seems to me that you actually agree more with my original post.
"Would Mr Meaty start pursing her again and just ask? or would he lay low and let Mrs Meaty realize her wasted opportunity.
In your example you mentioned the girl saying 'NO' at first then some weeks later realizing that she should have said yes. Hence contacting the guy and putting things straight. So the girl did actually realize her wasted opportunity after all and it worked out awesome:P
I think maybe Astrid's and your idea of wasted opportunity may be a little different.
No, I do agree with Astrid, as I'm understanding it. I'm just saying I DO NOT LIKE calling her refusal to date him a "wasted opportunity" as if she's foolish NOT to date him. It's her choice, right? Maybe (in the scenarios I mentioned) there's just something she doesn't see in him that her eyes are opened to later. But that doesn't mean she "wasted" that opportunity. That's all I mean.
You know, it's fine for a guy to ask a girl out and for her to say no. Or to say yes and then decide after a few dates that he's not "the one." Or for him to decide after a few dates that she's great, but there's no spark. Every Christian relationship doesn't have to work out from the get-go.
That's where I think Astrid and I are in agreement! Just because you're both Christians and nice people doesn't mean you're destined to be together.
yep laura I agree thats what I meant.
Back the hell down! strong strong words.
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