What would Mr Meaty do? #2
Mr Meaty is interested in a girl, and may have plans to pursue her. He knows that being single is a very good thing for the advancement and work of the gospel, but he thinks that having a wife may also be an encouragement to him and his mission.
1) Mr Meaty would considered the girl carefully and deliberate over the idea for months on end
2) Mr Meaty would be efficient about it all, make a move towards her and make his intentions clear
3) Mr Meaty would very carefully consider the benefits of being single and compare the two
4) Mr Meaty would desire a relationship to fully glorify God and further the kingdom
5) Mr Meaty would decide to remain single for the meanwhile and serve God in singleness
What should Mr Meaty do in this situation?
Note: these circumstances could be applicable for any Mr Meaty
1) Mr Meaty would considered the girl carefully and deliberate over the idea for months on end
2) Mr Meaty would be efficient about it all, make a move towards her and make his intentions clear
3) Mr Meaty would very carefully consider the benefits of being single and compare the two
4) Mr Meaty would desire a relationship to fully glorify God and further the kingdom
5) Mr Meaty would decide to remain single for the meanwhile and serve God in singleness
What should Mr Meaty do in this situation?
Note: these circumstances could be applicable for any Mr Meaty
posted by JK at
5:07 PM
22 Comments:
Hate to do this but I reckon Mr Meaty should do ALL of those things! Except with number 1: he should consider the girl carefully but not for months on end - that's just indecision and not meaty.
No 5 is a very meaty move indeed.
No 5 should probably be the one that Mr Meaty pursues the strongest maybe?
Time for me to link you.
I think I agree with Pryderi and I was going to disagree with you Josh, but now I'm not so sure..
This is the bit that comes before the sexual desires bit in 1 Cor 7:
6 Now as a concession, not a command, I say this. 7 I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another.
I first looked at that and thought 'see we dont have to be like Paul'..
..but in constructing my argument I realised there must be a reason why he is so pro-singleness.
I suspect I know the obvious answer, and will have a think about it. But that being said no. 4 would always be my starting point from now on, knowing I haven't the gift of singleness. :-) So I guess in a sense I disagree, because pursuing no. 5 is not what is true to my situation.
#1 is out the window. Waffling and indecisiveness are not godly qualities. Neither is it OK to leave a potential Mrs. Meaty out of the "deciding" process, as though she were an object to be acquired rather than a sister in Christ.
#2 is a good idea.
#3 should happen BEFORE he makes a move.
#4 -- duh. Of course.
#5 depends on how interested he is in the girl, and whether or not he had done #2. If he has done #2, and then "decides" to be single for a while and serve God in singleness, he's probably going to be guilty of jerking the girl around.
Cool blog, Josh.
I agree with Laura, but my vote goes to number 4. :)
Word, Der.
Seriously, Josh, take it from Laura and myself who have had to deal with a NUMBER of "mr. meaty-wanna-be's" at Bible College.
Like Laura said, she is a sister in Christ who also is praying and considering what God would hold for her future. As you contemplate a relationship and even enter it and are a part of it, communicate with her on a regular basis EXACTLY what you're thinking and where you think this is going.
Here's a bit from my experience with a few Mr. Meaty-wanna-be's:
1. He sits across from me in the Bible College dining hall: "Hi, my name is Jared. I was wondering if I could pursue you."
2. He sends me an email to meet him for a cup of coffee in the Bible College cafe. "I'm sorry, what was your name again?" "Charles." "Good to meet you, Charles." "So, Christine, what do you think about being the wife a music minister?"
3. He calls me to come over to his place because he has something to tell me. "Christine, I've prayed about this for months and I do not have a peace about dating you." (We weren't dating at the time .. this was a way of informing me that our acquaintanceship would never progress to anything romantic ... and YET he proceeded to treat/use me as a girlfriend for MONTHS afterwards because he didn't know have any other prospects.)
Don't do that!
go on Laura. Tell them about some of your stories ...
oh wait ... one more ... Guy walking next to a girl coming out of the library. "Are you a double-predestinarian?" "I ... I ... I don't know. I haven't thought of it." He sizes her up and then decides she's not worthy to be his partner in ministry in Kenya.
My only good story is THE story.
Guy talks to and flirts with me for MONTHS. Guy starts weirding me out with his lack of boundaries. Guy asks if I'll have coffee with him. And then... he basically proposes, down to describing what our lives would be like as missionaries in Brazil.
He'd been building up to this, observing me, for all those months, without having said a thing to me, the person he was interested in! Not only was it incredibly offensive, but it was a huge waste of his time. If he'd asked me on a date months before, we could have dealt with it and he could have moved on.
Also, being single is NOT more holy than being married. Can we just get past that?
Hi fives from two girls who are cheering on those who truly want to be Mr. Meaties
Wow, full-on story Laura.
"Also, being single is NOT more holy than being married. Can we just get past that?"
I don't think anyone here thinks it is. And I didn't mean to imply that with my comment. I just think it IS a godly thing to encourage, especially considering the way many people talk about singledom as if it's something to be fixed.
Thanks for your comments guys,and thanks for your stories girls.Some very cool advice there indeed.Man those guys you encountered sounded like dirt bags :[ hey and thanks for the linkage mike!
Der, I don't think I was particularly responding to anyone's comments, just a general feeling that #5 ought to be an option for every Mr. Meaty, and that it would be extra good for him to consider it. It's not, necessarily.
Alan, don't forget the unusual amount of persecution the Corinthians were undergoing. Surely that exceptional circumstance ought to color the way we interpret that passage?
i beg to differ laura, number 5 is always worth considering when we understand that life is not about what we want but what God wants. it is for his glory not our own.
i do not especially want to be married, but if my Lord and God is better served by my partnership with a man in marriage, i will submit to God in this aspect as i aim to do in every aspect of my life. holiness is to submit to His will, not whether i am single or married.
God is good, he knows our needs, and he cares for us, but sometimes our needs are different to what we perceive they are.
in any case, i would encourage mr meaty to treat the girl in question (all girls, really) with utmost purity, loving her as his sister in Christ.
Peta.
Oh, Peta, I agree that #5 is theoretically an option for every Mr. M.
But I also believe that God uses means -- including the means of our desires and decisions -- to accomplish his will. To use your example: since you don't particularly want to get married, until a man comes along whom you find compelling enough to consider marrying, you ought to act as though you will remain single, and plan your life accordingly. (Though I'd recommend keeping in mind that somewhere between 90 and 95% of all people will eventually marry.)
But a Mr. M who feels the desire to marry ought to pursue marriage, trusting that God's will doesn't operate in a vacuum, but includes our choices and emotions.
Now it's all calmed down here, and people have moved on, I think I'll give my tuppence worth!
As someone who has, I think, done all of these steps (except 3 to any extent), at various times, I think one thing to consider is the enormous emotional expense of putting yourself out there, in my case, only to be rejected (thus far - I live in hope). And so I want to bring some sympathy Le your meaty wannabes - as inherently sociopathic as they appear to be. Unless I'm missing some serious ego issues, I feel very sorry for them. Sure methods were ugly/amusing, but what's the driver?
I can think of a few possibilities- unclear signals, generally awkward and shy and a lack of education. You add to that a hopefulness that one day, somewhere, Mr Wannabe Meaty will find his Christian single female between two and seven foot tall, eyes and luxury of luxuries: hair; and all of a sudden you get a relationship constructed in a mind's eye that is so far developed that only reality can end.
Let me put it a little more succinctly: the combination of unclear signals, lack of education and shyness, combined with hopefulness that the girl likes him (but he’s never actually sure), it's enough for his mind to construct the world in his head where she does like him - and the only thing that will shatter that is reality.
Oops. Epic comment... but be nice to us wannabes.
Jerome, I'm afraid I have absolutely no idea what you just wrote! Especially this bit:
"And so I want to bring some sympathy Le your meaty wannabes - as inherently sociopathic as they appear to be. Unless I'm missing some serious ego issues, I feel very sorry for them. Sure methods were ugly/amusing, but what's the driver?"
Fair call - the "Le" was definitely a typo...
Should have read something along the lines of "so I want to bring some sympathy to your Mr Meaty wannabes..."
Anyway, the general vibe I was getting was that there was no emotional vulnerableness presented in the comments and no exploration at what is going through the guys' heads.
I'm merely suggesting that we not be so harsh toward our brothers, because (in most situations) there's likely to be a sad confused bloke wondering what the hell went wrong there...
Hope that starts to clarify.
Ah, yep I see what you're saying now. Thanks for the clarification.
In contrast to Laura and Christine I *would not* like to be included (as a sister in Christ) in Mr M's decision making about whether to have a relationship with me.
I don't want to know about it unless he has already decided he's definitely interested. I think that's more honouring to me - I don't want to have to help a guy decide about whether to have a relationship with me; I want him to be so interested (and it to be such a wise thing) he has decided by himself.
If I like him and I find out about his 'interest' during the decision making process, and then he decides not to go ahead, I'll have got my hopes up for no reason and be hurt.
There's probably circumstances where it would be okay though.
Props to you Mr Meaties for thinking this stuff through.
i like your line of thinking, Fiona.
However, once your Mr. Meaty has presented his case to you, how do you then make a decision to accept or reject his "proposal" of a relationship?
If you have not also been considering him as a godly lover/partner-till-death-do-you-part, do you then ask for a time-frame of consideration or let the dating process begin and *then* determine if you can agree with his original assessment?
well yes, if you like him already (even though you didn't know before this point if he liked you) you say "yes". And if you're not sure you like him or it's wise, then you say "give me a bit of time" (obviously you'll take as little time as you can - for his sake). And if you're not interested or it's unwise, you'll say "no, sorry".
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